884. Alien contact
© Bruce Goodman 12 March 2016

It had to happen. It was the earth’s first contact with alien intelligent life. But it was so exasperating.

The aliens acted in such a superior fashion. They had made contact with earthlings via some advanced social media thingamajig. They said they didn’t have the slightest interest in travel, but were very much stay-at-home beings, and weren’t that interested in receiving earthlings on their planet either. They had advanced communication skills, they said. Earthlings were so backward; so inferior.

“Well! Blow them!” said a group of earthling astronauts. The earthlings got into a space craft and headed for the alien planet via some time-warp funnel-tunnel whatchamacallit. When they got there, all made sense. The aliens were hot on communication because they were trees. They were stuck in the ground and couldn’t move about. They nourished themselves via some sophisticated method of photosynthesis, and communicated, communicated, communicated.

That didn’t make them less arrogant though. The earthling astronauts chopped a couple of them down and brought them back to earth to use as firewood – just to teach them a jolly good lesson.

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