826. Drug testing
© Bruce Goodman 14 January 2016

The story was that the boss wanted to test his younger employees for drugs. They had to handle complex machinery. He trusted his older employees; most of them had worked for him for years.

Take Sefton Fisher for example. Sefton was fifty-nine and had worked for the company since he was nineteen. That makes forty years of faithful service. The boss called Sefton into his office.

“Look,” said the boss, “I want to drug test all these younger folk, but that looks bad. I wonder if you’d mind getting drug tested so it looks like I’m being fair.”

“That’s no trouble,” said Sefton.

The drug tests were done. All came out clean. Except for Sefton. He tested positive for opiates.

“But I haven’t taken any medication or recreational drugs,” said Sefton.

Another test was done. He returned a positive result for morphine. Sefton was fired immediately.

Today, he has no job. If only they’d told him not to eat toast with poppy seeds for breakfast each morning.

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