© Bruce Goodman 30 July 2015
Hamilton had planned a joke for weeks. He would phone up his cousin, Cressida. He had practiced putting on a voice so she wouldn’t recognise who it was.
“Hello. Hello. Is that Cressida? Yes, it’s the Lottery Commission. You have won four million. You haven’t claimed your prize. We had trouble tracing you. We did it by connecting the store’s video with your bank card number. The bank transaction and the video coincided. And you’ve won four million!”
Instead of being ecstatic, Cressida was annoyed.
“You’ve no right to phone me,” she said. “You know already that I won because I claimed the prize money two days ago.”
“Did you really?” said Hamilton, forgetting to put on his voice. “Did you win the lottery?”
“Is that you Hamilton?” said Cressida. “Yes, I won the lottery and haven’t told a soul. And if you tell anyone I’ll have your guts for garters.”
“WOW!” said Hamilton putting down the phone. “WOW! She won the lottery!"