373. The expert
© Bruce Goodman 18 October 2014
The sex expert had been brought in for a television show. He advocated doing away with marriage altogether. “Why get married? Most don’t last. If you want sex, have it. It you want babies, a single parent is a proven success. What is more, it is the way of the future; most young people would agree with me.”
To highlight this, the television studio arranged for a group of sixteen-year-old students to take part as a studio audience. The expert warmed them up.
“I’m going to ask you questions,” he said. “Let’s practice now before the live show begins. Hands up those who think marijuana should be legal.”
A number put their hands up. “Why’s that?” he asked of one student. “Let’s try another topic. Hands up those who think the legal drinking age should be lowered?”
A number put their hands up. “Why’s that?” he asked of one student. “Let’s try another topic. Hands up those who think the legal driving age should be lowered?”
“Good,” said the expert. “The live show is about to begin. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. We are live! Welcome to the show on why marriage should be done away with. Let’s begin…”
“Hands up those who have had sex.”
The cameras honed in on one poor benighted stunted backward student who hadn’t put his hand up. He was embarrassed as shit. “Let’s get Goody Two-Shoes here to tell us why he hasn’t put his hand up,” said the expert.
“Because it’s none of your fucking business,” said the lad.
All teens hooted with laughter. The expert knew he’d lost.