233. Cindy the reporter
© Bruce Goodman 31 May 2014

Cindy referred to herself as “a raging introvert”. She was intelligent, shy, and always wanted to be a reporter. Of course, she couldn’t be a reporter. To be a reporter one had to speak confidently to lots of people.

But these days it was different. The standards had changed. Cindy could begin her dream and report:

• Rupert’s murder came as a shock to his friends. His Facebook page has 227 messages on it. Aida wrote: “I am stunned.” And Harrison the Triffid wrote: “Farewell, bud, see you on the other side”. Rupert’s mother is said to be too upset to speak to the Press.

• John’s imprisonment for blowing up the shoe factory has meant that 877 people have left messages on his Facebook page. The comments are not all nice. Onlooker Charlie wrote: “I was only a few feet away from being hit by flying shoes.” Anthony, the sole survivor, is in an induced coma and currently unable to speak to the Press.

• Henrietta’s baby’s sudden arrival in the back seat of a taxi has gone almost viral. The photos she took from her cell phone as she gave birth were posted by her partner Edwin on Facebook. There have been almost 19 thousand hits and 16 thousand likes. Mitzie wrote: “Well done Henrietta on taking such poignant photos”. Henrietta’s mother is said to be excited, and she Twittered “Delighted and Amazed! I never knew my daughter was so good at snapping pictures!”

That’s about all the News for today, apart from the presidential assassination. The late president’s Facebook page has been closed down, so we are unable to report about his bloody demise.

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