302. Carmalita, apex of western civilization
© Bruce Goodman 8 August 2014

Carmalita graduated from university. She majored in Philosophy. Congratulations!

“Over three years, we studied philosophical thought all the way back from the early Greeks,” said Carmalita. “Plato and Aristotle, and Spinoza the lens grinder. And Zeno, the warrior princess.”

And did you study Thomas Aquinas?

“Oh God yes! He only took half an hour! He didn’t write much. And then there was Descartes. I think.”

And Kant?

“Who? Yeah! And Wittgenstein and Bertrand Russell. We did them all. It was a lot of work, and I got A’s for most of my assignments.”

And Mathematics? Did you do any of that?

“Oh God no! Why would I want Math? I’ve always being bad at Math. I hate it. It’s why I took Philosophy.”

What about great literary works? Shakespeare, for example. Did you study those?

“Oh God no! I could never understand Shakespeare at school. He wrote in that old-fashioned language that no one can understand. Although I saw the movie of Romeo and Juliet. It’s sexist, but Leonardo DiCaprio was hot.”

Have you read Jane Austen?

“Jane Austen? Oh! She had that series on television. With Colin Firth. And he dived into the pond and had a wet shirt clinging to his body.”

Science? Did you study any of that?

“What would I do Science for?”

Religious Studies?

“Our lecturer said it’s all crap. It causes wars and stuff. I don’t agree with religion.”

And Law? And Music? And…

“Look! Now that I’ve graduated with a degree in Philosophy I don’t need any of that other stuff. At present I work at a supermarket and the job’s way below my qualifications. I gotta find another job. Like be a teacher or something. I haven’t got time to be answering your crappy questions.”

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