194. John Jones was maudlin
© Bruce Goodman 22 April 2014

John Jones was maudlin. He was sitting in the pub on his own. In a corner. He’d been there all afternoon. He had always known he had a common name, but it all came to a head when he did an online search. Was there a John Jones killed in a war?

There were 1,634 Americans called John Jones killed in the Second World War. There were 1,665 with the name John Jones killed who were from the British Commonwealth. That’s at least 3,299 John Jones’s dead in wars.

He ordered another drink. He was joined at the table by a chap in the bar called Duncan.

“Mind if a join you?” said Duncan.

“Go ahead,” slurred John Jones. “Did you know… did you know that there were at least 3,299 John Jones’s killed in wars? That’s pathectic… pathectic… pathetic.”

“It’s a helluva lot,” said Duncan.

“It’s a helluva lot,” said John Jones. “I’m thinking of changing my name. That’s pathectic.”

“I presume your name’s John Jones then,” said Duncan.

“Yeah,” said John Jones. “Want another drink?”

John Jones ordered another drink from the barman. He returned to the table.

“Did you know that there were at least 3,299 John Jones’s killed in wars?” said John Jones. “That’s pathectic… pathectic… pitiful. So I’m changing to my mother’s maiden name. If you pay they can do it. I just gotta find where to pay to get it done.”

“That’s a good idea,” said Duncan.

“She was a Jones too.”

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