2809. Fiddle sticks! © Bruce Goodman 9 August 2023

Louise was having a normal day. She had been to work, returned home, boiled a potato, dished up a portion of spam (both for herself and the cat), and was now settled down in an armchair with a good book. Some might surmise that it wasn’t a good book, In fact, it was utter boring nonsense. Louise slammed the book shut and said “Fiddle sticks!” Instantly the book turned into a solid lump of gold. Louise didn’t know what to do with it. Nothing like this had happened before. “Fiddle sticks!” was the expression Louise used instead of cursing and swearing. If something went drastically wrong she would declare “Fiddle sticks!” Now it seemed to be some sort of magical phrase. “Oh fiddle sticks!” she said out aloud, and the left over spam in the cat dish turned into gold. She couldn’t get the phrase “Fiddle sticks!” out of her head. It seemed to work only if she said it out loud. Thinking the expression just in her head did nothing; it had to be uttered out loud. Louise didn’t realize until now just how often she said it. She was in the bathroom when the toilet roll turned to golf. She was in the kitchen when her cutlery turned to gold. Already half of her furniture and ornaments had turned to gold. She experimented with the phrase – perhaps if she said it backwards or upside down or something it might reverse the process. But there was no such luck. Even said backwards “Fiddle sticks!” resulted in an alchemist’s dream. Over time Louise learned never to use the phrase, unless of course she needed the money. Wealth was a cross she had to bear for the rest of her life. Contact Author Back to Index Next Story Previous Story