2161. Lend me your ears
© Bruce Goodman 21 June 2021
It became very fashionable in the year 2048 for teens to cut off one of their ears and send it to a near relative who had an opposing view. It pointed to the extraordinary place Vincent Van Gogh held in the history of the world. In fact it was no longer the year 2028, it was the year 158VG, being 158 years since the death of Van Gogh. Of course the purists argued that it should really be 195VG. It was more traditional to start a date with a birth rather than death.
Things had gone from bad to worse. It had reached a pretty pass. Weapons were no longer of much use, as everyone possessed an anti-bullet catchinometer, which negated the effect of any weapon before it reached its target. It was therefore impossible to have a war. There was no way that the enemy could get slaughtered.
The argument had now reached a crisis; those who took the side of date-since-birth would cut off their right ear and send it to an enemy. Those who took the side of date-since-death would cut off their left ear and send it to an enemy. For this reason the two opposing camps were known as right-earholes and left-earholes.
Delwynne had an ear delivered in the mail and she was in a panic. She had never taken sides in the matter. Who would have sent her an ear? And was it a left ear or a right ear? Dozens of young people passed her house every day. There was no telling which one may have been the benefactor.
In the end, Delwynne compromised; she cut off both ears. No one would know if she belonged to the left or the right. But unfortunately life is not that simple. She was ostracized by both sides. Who wants to be seen talking to someone who sits on the fence?
“Delwynne, you’re a total earhole,” was the catch cry heard along Delwynne’s street. Delwynne tried not to listen. But she was an earhole! Indeed she was.
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