2106. In praise of underwear
© Bruce Goodman 20 April 2021

It’s amazing in the modern era how people have become creative with underwear. There are so many varieties to choose from. To illustrate this, here are a bunch of celebrities modelling some of what is available. It is a delight to see them modelling underwear in a chaste manner that belies what lies beneath the surface. Modesty is a quality sadly missing in many undies’ ads.

1. Scented Underpants: They come in all sorts of smells. Clearly the wearer has chosen Hot Chili Pepper. It’s a very popular odour because it lends the eyes a certain wateriness which makes people think the wearer cares.

2. Equity Underwear: In the good old days women’s knickers could be frilly. These days a sturdier approach is required. Simple pleats are the order of the day, often with written suggestions as to how to get into people’s faces and live life to the Max. These undies scream equity – how to look like powerful women’s undies without descending into masculine toxicity.

3. Contoured Underpants: No! It is not a mistake that this celebrity is wearing her boyfriend’s underwear. As can be seen from the photograph these underpants are tight fitting and shaped to fit the contours of the anatomy. It is particular popular with the younger set, especially the Shit quad.

4. Think Outside the Square Underwear: Some people like to get creative. This model clearly has all sorts of nasty and suggestive words scrawled across his underpants. It is always a shame when such creativity is hidden, so it’s a particular joy that this model is able to wear it in a way that we can all share. Also the cut enables his nose to be stuck into all sorts of places.

5. Conundrum Underpants: A number of celebrities (one can only presume, but it seems certain) wear their spouse’s underwear. It happens most often when one gets up early and gets dressed in the dark (and they often stay in the dark throughout the day). Unfortunately this model’s spouse doesn’t wear undies so she has had to resort to wearing her own. And besides, power dressing includes underwear. Black black black (I’m talking about fabric). Indeed her undie-less-hubby conundrum is not only convenient but good for a laugh.

6. Fruity Underwear: Like the previous model, this model attempts to wear her husband’s undies as often as possible, for he appears to be a very creative man. With the oranges he possibly comes from Florida or Ecuador or somewhere. Thank goodness they weren’t bananas. Busy floridity underwear such as this ensures that dribbling goes unnoticed.

7. Ear Knickers: This model is often seen wearing his wife’s bra as ear rings. Brilliant! Nuff said. It is a reminder that Vincent Van Gogh cut off one of his ears to prevent such behaviour and people thought he was nuts.

8. Bamboozled Underwear: Some celebrities try to imitate the previous model but with little success. Which ear do I hang onto? Which side? Then what? It should also be noted that white is not the most advisable colour for an old man.

9. Undies for the Incontinent: This model has lots of problems, one being incontinence. Several layers of fabric prevent a lot of people from spying any spillage of crap.

Of course, many of you will aspire to imitate these models as wearers with creativity and propriety. May you do so with aplomb!

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