156. Off with their heads!
© Bruce Goodman 15 March 2014
The Queen of Hearts had had a bad day. She had commanded “Off with his head” eleven times. Not a single time had it happened apparently. To put it mildly, she was aggrieved.
“My dear,” said her husband, “you have to remember that you’re in a children’s book. You should tone it down a bit.”
“What a load of unadulterated baloney,” replied the Queen of Hearts. “BRING ME THE KNAVE OF HEARTS!”
The Knave of Hearts entered. “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!” screamed the Queen. “But first, shoot him in the feet, and then in the knees. Make the knave suffer before cutting off his head.”
“My dear,” repeated her husband, “you have to remember that you’re in a children’s book. You should tone it down a bit.”
“GET REAL!” screamed the Queen. “Kids everywhere have to learn to face the world, and the sooner the better.”
“But adults won’t like children exposed to such horror,” said the King.
“What a load of unadulterated baloney,” repeated the Queen of Hearts. “Children are suffering all over the world: hunger, disease, no shelter, war, slavery, child labour. Most adults don’t give a fig. Why should they object to my fictional behaviour in a book, when they care little about what’s happening to children in the real world?”
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!