123. Copping and Coping
© Bruce Goodman 10 February 2014

The toilet paper roll has to turn inwards, towards the wall. Not outwards.

The toothpaste tube has to be squeezed from the bottom, not the top.

Milk is milk, and cream is cream. The stuff that goes into tea is called milk, not cream. Cream is what one pours on dessert and porridge.

Milk is not put into a cup with the teabag sitting there. It goes in after the boiling water is poured over the teabag and the teabag has been taken out.

Grits are not to be served. If I want sand for breakfast, I’ll go to the beach.

Corn flour is called corn starch, and cornmeal is called corn flour. Cornmeal is something different and is used for make cornbread and not pavlova.

A dessert plate isn’t a side plate. A salad plate isn’t a dessert plate. A soup spoon isn’t a dessert spoon. A dessert spoon isn’t a teaspoon, and a serving spoon is called a tablespoon.

Soup is sipped from the side of the spoon with the plate tipped away from you. Dessert is eaten with a spoon, not a fork, and the plate is tipped towards you.

A speed bump is called a judder bar and not…

There was some doubt as to whether the marriage would work.

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