65. Smoking in the Woodshed
© Bruce Goodman 14 December 2013

Maurice’s wife suggested he give up smoking. He paid over a hundred dollars to attend a Give-Up-Smoking seminar. Now that the course was over, he had to sneak down to the woodshed at the back of his garden for a quick puff so his wife wouldn’t find out. And he kept the toothpaste tube on the window ledge of the bathroom so that he could grab it and take a squeeze of toothpaste as he passed by on the outside. It disguised his breath.

But in such things, no one is fooled.

The worst thing was that his wife said nothing, and the tension for Maurice was almost unbearable. He made an appointment to have acupuncture, and that cost another hundred dollars. On the way home from the acupuncturist he had a cigarette in the car and then had a terrible time trying to get rid of the smell of smoke, for his wife was to use the car that afternoon. He feigned a puncture and left the car at a friend’s place.

Then he tried hypnotism, which was even more expensive. A similar thing happened.

Eventually his wife said, “Oh, for goodness sake!”

At last! There was no pressure! No stress! He gave up on his own.

To reward himself for two weeks of not smoking, Maurice snuck down to the woodshed at the back of his garden for a quick celebratory puff.

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