It’s a terrible thing being famous. One can get hounded while doing the most mundane things. Just the other day this woman came up to me in the supermarket and said how grateful she was for all I had done. She said she would kiss my feet if it wasn’t for her chronic rheumatism. I said “For God’s sake woman pull yourself together and make an effort. No wonder you haven’t achieved anything in life.” Well it was hilarious! This old rheumatic lady trying to kiss my feet in the vegetable aisle right in front of the parsnips!
But seriously, it’s hard to go anywhere without people fawning all over you. The other evening I was at a restaurant and there was a family there and they came over to my table and asked for my autograph. I suspected that they didn’t want it for themselves but to put it online for sale – judging by what rags they were wearing. So I told them to take their miserly little ideas back to their table. It was quite an exclusive restaurant too. I don’t know how inept people like that can afford to patronize such expensive establishments.
The National Library sent me a letter asking if I would mind their taking an official portrait for their archives. I said they would be most welcome. I usually charge one to two hundred dollars, but since they were a government agency I charged four hundred. Well, who did they send? You should have seen him. He looked like he would barely know how to push a button on the camera. He had a ring in his nose and tattoos down only one arm like there was a purchase limit on ink. I said you’re not taking my photo. Come back when you’ve tidied up. You have to insist on some standards in life – otherwise you’ll end up on the trash heap and not in a place like what I have earned by my own efforts.
Good on you for reading this. I hope it hasn’t made you feel even more small and insignificant than you really are. A lot of you undoubtedly could do with a good dose of humility. I find arrogance one of the plagues of modern society. Go take a long look in the mirror and decide to do something worthwhile with your life instead of mooching around inanely. You’re welcome to use my life experience as a model.
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