Subsequently we have met his parents. Monique dear, you are making a terrible mistake. We had been fooled into thinking that Dubois von Zenithra was a surname with some standing. How wrong could we be? You’ve no idea what we thought once we met the parents. We were invited to their house. She made tea in the teapot with teabags. With teabags! Teabags in a teapot. I could almost taste the paper. Not only that, but when she poured the tea she didn’t put the milk in first. Some people are so crass.
Things went from bad to worse. There were no side plates or even napkins to place our slice of bought cake. I had to hold a sticky slice of chocolate cake while trying to hold the teacup with the other hand. They clearly didn’t know how to do things properly but were going all out to impress us. But they had no class. The bought chocolate cake could have been purchased at any cheap cake shop. You’ve either got it or not and they most definitely didn’t have it. Incidentally when I asked if she had a napkin she had a paper one. A paper napkin! It was brown, clearly made from recycled paper.
So all in all dear, we think you should call off the engagement before you are trapped permanently in a degenerate relationship that would scar you for life. Your father said he’s not paying for good food at a wedding reception when they wouldn’t appreciate it. They probably wouldn’t understand the French in the menu anyway. They’d think that hors d'oeuvres was some sort of meat from a poor little pony!
Now Willie McBride is coming here next Thursday. His mother’s in the Bridge Club and is related by marriage to Lady Constantia Bracknell. You couldn’t do better than that.
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