2629. The end of the Egg-Timer
© Bruce Goodman 4 February 2023

I’m afraid I can’t feel the slightest bit of sympathy for the Egg-Timer, said the Toaster at the emergency meeting called for all the kitchen appliances. She (the Egg-Timer) has sat here on the window ledge for years in a smug manner – in fact Egg-Timers in general have sat smugly in the world’s kitchens for hundreds of years. Three minutes one way, and three minutes the other way. Like sand in an hourglass so are the days of their lives. Three minutes one way for soft boiled, and an extra three minutes the other way for hard boiled.

I can see why she (the Egg-Timer) feels overworked. Well, I’m going to tell you a secret. It’s been bothering me for some time. I have checked numerable times with the oven clock and I tell you; she (the Egg-Timer) is thirteen seconds short of the three minutes. It’s shocking! An undercooked egg could be hazardous to health.

This is a very good reason not to boil an egg, said the Frying Pan. She (the egg-timer) has been poaching my position for years.

I think we should take a vote. All those in favour of ousting the Egg-Timer from the kitchen in place of the timer on the phone, please say Aye.

It appears to be unanimous. Henceforth the Egg-Timer is a thing of the past. Long live the phone! Now for the Salt Pig…

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