2486. I thought I'd lost you
© Bruce Goodman 20 July 2022

Colleen came up with what she considered to be a fool-proof plan to get rid of her annoying husband of fourteen years. She would hit him over the head with a frying pan, drag him into the garage, put a noose around his neck, and then haul him up so that it looked like suicide. She would then create a distraught scene upon discovering his corpse hanging from the rafters.

The plan worked fairly well. She hit him WHAM on the head with the frying pan just as he was fussily rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

“I’ve told you a million times,” he said, hopefully as his last words, “that the dishes need to be first rinsed.” That was when the WHAM hit.

The garage was connected to the house, and it wasn’t too much of a problem to drag her husband there; although she did stop for a break half way along the corridor. In fact, she even treated herself to a little wine during the break.

Next Colleen took a rope, tied a noose around her husband’s neck, and flung the rest of the rope over a rafter. That was when her fool-proof plan began to crumble. The annoying lazy slob of a husband was too heavy for Colleen to haul up into suicide position. She heaved and panted and puffed – all to no avail.

That was when her husband woke up.

“Oh darling,” exclaimed Colleen, “you slipped on the mossy path and hit your head. I was just about to call an ambulance. I thought I’d lost you.”

Contact Author
Back to Index
Next Story
Previous Story