2067. Scout’s honour
© Bruce Goodman 5 March 2021

I said to the neighbour, look I said your pumpkin plants are growing over the top of our tall wooden boundary fence and have reached my garden and are putting their big leaves and tendrils all over my flowers. I can’t see my flowers because of your wayward pumpkins that’ve gone berserk.

You’ll just have to live with it, he said. He said for me to grow up and realize that’s what pumpkins do. He was very proud of his pumpkins and of his sunflowers. His sunflowers were about eight feet high, each with a gigantic flower head at the top.

And, he added, if my pumpkin plants produce any pumpkins on your side I expect them to be handed over. After all, I’m the one who digs the garden on my side and weeds around the base of the plants and feeds them with expensive nutrients.

To be honest I saw red. I waited until he went out – the neighbour – and I took my hedge cutters and went over to his place and cut down his sunflowers at the base. I didn’t cut the pumpkins because then he’d know it was me. So now I’m having a coffee back at my place and waiting for him to scream blue murder. I’ve parked my car in my driveway because I’ve been out all morning. Haven’t I?

Haven’t I? I know you’ll support me in this unless you’re one of those pumpkin freaks. Yeah, I’ve been out all morning at the mall. Scout’s honour.

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