1939. To die alphabetically © Bruce Goodman 15 September 2020

Jerome Holke Barbarich-Askelund’s doctor had given him bad news. He had not been feeling well and was not at all surprised when the doctor announced (in a kindly and tender manner) that what Jerome Holke Barbarich-Askelund had was terminal. “Oh well,” shrugged Jerome, “we all eventually get our marching orders I suppose.” He went home and within a week had become obsessed with the death notices in the morning paper. Here was a list of those who had died – usually the day before. Jerome began to work out each morning where his name would go alphabetically if he had indeed passed away on the preceding day. Amor Austin Baird Burgin Cain If he had died his name would appear between Baird and Burgin. Ackerley Alexander Batwell Blayney Blight If he had died his name would appear between Alexander and Batwell. And there, on the third day, BARBARICH-ASKELUND! There it was in print! In black and white! What a mystery! Anderson Atherfold Aycock BARBARICH-ASKELUND Butt “As far as I know,” said Mrs. Barbarich-Askelund, “we are the only ones in the country with this family name. It’s a complete bafflement. I’m in a state of stupefaction.” After two weeks, Mrs. Barbarich-Askelund’s friend, Gloria Wiggins said, “Look Myrtle-Bianca, you have to admit that he’s been dead for two weeks now. You can’t go on pretending it didn’t happen.” “Oh Gloria!” sobbed Myrtle-Bianca Barbarich-Askelund, “to die is one thing. To appear in print between Aycock and Butt is shocking. Jerome will never forgive me.” Contact Author Back to Still More Stories Index Next Story Previous Story