The Nobel Prize for Literature Committee called a very important meeting. They had invited a group of people to advise whether or not, for the first time in Nobel history, a blogger should receive the award. No one knows a blogger like a blogger. Apologies if your presence and what you said at the meeting was not recorded; the story would get too long – but whole-hearted thanks to ALL who read this blog.
Below is a rough transcription of the meeting. Andrea set the ball rolling.
Andrea: I really don’t think we should award Bruce the Nobel Prize for Literature. He would probably show his thanks by killing us all off in a story.
Uma: I agree with Andrea. Our world is dark enough without our adding to it. Mind you, it’s a Catch 22 situation; he’ll kill us off in the stories whether we say yes or no.
Nitin: What Bruce getting the Nobel Prize for Literature has got to do with Bozo the Clown is quite beyond me.
Yvonne: I’m not in favour of the Nobel Prize for Literature being given to Bruce. Imagine the interminable shopping lists he’d make once he got all that money.
GP Cox: He needs a bomb put under him.
Lisa: I agree with Yvonne on this one. I have tried to play his music on the violin and I think we should concentrate on his stories.
Keith: As a poet and story writer who has lived in France I really think there are cases more worthy, such as…
João-Maria (interrupting): I agree with Keith. I can think of lots of Portuguese poets who…
Ian (interrupting): Since no one knows who I am I can speak the truth without any negative repercussions. All I can say about his getting the Nobel Prize is - balderdash.
Max: He doesn’t know much about popular music from the 60s and 70s, so personally I’m more in favour of awarding it to Bob Dylan. Someone like that.
Matthew: Bob Dylan’s already got it once. I agree with João-Marie; but not Portuguese poets. Colombian poets would be more suitable.
Noelle: The Pilgrim Fathers (and Mothers) didn’t get off the Mayflower to award the Nobel Prize for Literature to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I cry Murder! Murder! It’s a “No!” from me because I usually found his methods of killing people under researched.
Sylvie: I suspect he hasn’t written any haikus, so it’s “Non” from me (which is French for “No”).
Herb: I’ve looked back over my own blog over the years, and if length of service is anything to go on I shall have to recommend the same as Sylvie, only in English.
Chelsea: As a mother of five boys I simply haven’t got any spare time to voice an opinion, although it’s pretty amazing how much I get done in a day.
Terry: From my point of view, all I can say is I’m an Australian, and my excellent stories are…
Sarah (interrupting): As a published author I cannot recommend the prize going to someone who has never been published. In fact, in researching the history of the Nobel Prizes I can’t think of a single unpublished author who has had a book published. Nor for that matter can I think of a published author who has not had a book published.
Alex: They certainly haven’t made any films using his stories. For that matter, they haven’t made even a sitcom. It’s pathetic. What a pathetic loser! What an insignificant personage! It’s going to be a big fat “No” from me.
Chris: And “No” from me. His poems don’t rhyme. Nor do most of mine but that’s not what we’re on about here.
Cindy: If it’s photographable I’m in favour of it, although he’s not particularly photogenic. Then again, not every bird I photograph is pretty. Some are downright ugly. On second thoughts, I’m voting “No”. Sometimes one has to take into account the feelings of the camera.
Marina: Hello from Greece. I’m standing at my easel wondering whether to write or paint my “No”.
John: It looks like it’s going to be a unanimous “NO”. I should know because I write excellent poetry and have two daughters who live in New Zealand.
Inese: Bruce is as cunning as a fox, although he’s never seen one. I went for a long and very picturesque walk along a river bank in Ireland to think about this award, and I got so distracted by the beauty of the environment that I quite forgot to think. Mind you, I have played all 160 of his piano pieces. Unfortunately there’s no Nobel Prize for Piano Music.
Lindsey: Speaking of walking… who’s this walking up the garden path this very minute?
Gulsum: Why! It’s Bruce himself!
Bruce Hands up! Hands up! This is a hold up! Stick ‘em up!
Tom: We can't say we weren't warned.
Paul: Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!
Iseult: Where is a murderous machete when I need it? Help! A machete! A machete! My kingdom for a machete!
Bruce: Ok. Just this once I relent. In today’s story, you’re all going to survive. Well, maybe not all… YOU – over there in the corner in the silly hat – I see you’ve already nibbled surreptitiously on some of the poisonous salami I put out for refreshments later on.
Suddenly, Spider-Woman turns up unsolicited. Bruce flees, and possibly won’t be heard from for quite some time.
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