1907. Breaking news
© Bruce Goodman 14 August 2020

There’s a huge crack in Michelangelo’s statue of David. Chiara Lastra says she was shocked to see it. “From the front everything looks normal, but go to the other side of the statue and a gigantic crack in the marble reveals itself.”

“I have no idea why they don’t fix it,” said Giovanni Calamari. “It really is beyond a joke. The whole statue could fall apart at any time.”

The Society from the Protection of Art suggested that the side with the crack be pushed against the wall. That way no one would see it. And in fact upon hearing the suggestion the curator immediately pushed the statue against the wall. For a time the horror of the possible disintegration of David subsided.

David reared his ugly head again however. Matteo Frongillo, the curator’s assistant, off his own bat, decided to fill the unsightly crack up with plaster of Paris. It was with some relief that they were able to move the statue out from the wall. Once again tourists could view the masterpiece from all sides. Purists considered the curator’s assistant’s fix to be a travesty.

All was going well until some observant creature pointed out that there was also a crack in the armless statue of Venice de Milo. That too needed fixing.

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