1525. A lucky strike
© Bruce Goodman 3 June 2019
When Constantia murdered her husband she had no idea how expensive the funeral would be. Mondale’s departure was meant to be liberating for her. She would be free of the shackles of “the man of restriction” (as she liked to call him when she had had a wine or two). Now she was lumbered with an unnecessary expense because of the extravagant cost of the funeral. Not to give him a lavish funeral might well caste suspicion on the method of his demise. After all, they were rather rich.
It had been a well-planned murder. Constantia hadn’t personally murdered her husband; she had paid a hitman to do it for her. The hitman was a helicopter pilot. That too had cost the earth. However, Constantia, and her friend Barbara, had made a major contribution to the murderous methodology. Mondale had been decapitated by a helicopter rotary blade, slap bang on the back lawn. The most difficult part of the murder was trying not to sound excited when calling the emergency centre. Having starred in a high school musical many years earlier was certainly reaping dividends when it came to acting.
All that the hitman had done was to grab Mondale from behind as he was boarding his helicopter and hoist him high enough for his head to be chopped off. It was a bit messy, but was a simply idea simply executed. Why the hitman charged so much for doing practically nothing was beyond Constantia’s comprehension. Constantia referred to the incident as “a lucky strike”. She had watched and seen how simple the operation was.
And now the hurdle was to cope with the wretched expense of the funeral. Life was so unfair. Barbara, Constantia’s friend who knew everything, was willing to post online a Give-a-little-to-the-poor-widow-whose-husband-was-decapitated Fund. Constantia got thousands of dollars.
The next thing Barbara was demanding ten percent. It was such a relief when Barbara was accidentally decapitated by a rotating helicopter blade, slap bang on the back lawn.