1699. Let's talk turkey
© Bruce Goodman 23 December 2019
(Today’s story is the final in a trilogy of absurd yarns.)|
A peasant woman was in need of a turkey for Christmas, so she went to the queen and said if you give me your Christmas turkey I’ll teach it to talk, and that way it will entertain the court before it gets its head cut off and put in the oven.
The queen thought it an excellent idea. It would make a delightful change from the annual humdrum things they do every Christmas. But please, the queen added, don’t teach it to speak in that horrid peasant’s accent. Try and give it some class.
A while later the peasant woman informed the queen that the turkey could speak, and with the most delightful middle to upper class accent. The trouble is however, said the peasant woman, the only sentence the turkey knows is “The queen is having a torrid extramarital affair.”
“Off with its head!” screamed the queen. “Off with its head! I don’t want that horrid creature dead or alive anywhere near the palace.”