My belonging to the octopus family of Octopodidae, I’d like to say we do indeed have nine brains but each brain greatly exceeds the mental capacity of a one-brainer’s one brain. We have evolved in the depths of the ocean (historians believe it may have been somewhere in the South-West Pacific), and as yet we haven’t been discovered by these one-brainers. Oh yes! Occasionally they get a brief glimpse of one of our craft disappearing from the atmosphere into the water. They think it’s an outer space alien craft. They’re so wrapped up in space that they have almost forgotten to look in the sea.
Naturally in the water we have ways of preventing detection. Once however (and it’s deeply ingrained in our mythology) an Ancient Greek spied a cluster of us on a rock and thus began the legends of sirens and mermaids.
Anyway, we have been around on the planet for as long as the one-brainers, but naturally with nine brains our evolutionary scientific progression has been nine times faster. Of course, we don’t wear clothes, which lessens distractions of the mind which one-brainers seem to be obsessed with.
You might well wonder where we get our information from about land-locked creatures. Dolphins. Sea turtles. Particular kinds of seagulls and puffins, especially the rhinoceros auklet. Even whales – although whales seem to be more interested in what a one-brainers would call weight-training. All the rest of the sea creatures lack intelligence, much like most land-bound creatures, except for one species of coral on the Australian coast. That coral however is so vain it’s hard to stop it from doing anything other than gaze at its reflection in the water.
Enough of all this! This is simply to announce that with all the underwater mining and drilling that the one-brainers are indulging in, and with the proliferation of sea-based wind-energy turbines, we have decided to go to war. Starting tomorrow. It’s liberation time for octopuses, octopi, octopodes.
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