I volunteered to be placed in an extremely advanced state of suspended animation and travel to Earth. The trip would take over three million years but to me it would seem simply like a good night’s sleep. I was told “The sooner you leave the sooner you will arrive.” My task upon arrival was simply to observe and report back to my home planet.
Everything on the trip went well. I arrived here about three Earth-weeks ago only to discover that its life forms had evolved into an extremely basic form of intelligence. They call themselves “Human Beings”.
The food here is horrible. The highest life form is hideous. The languages are so primitive that I find it well-nigh impossible to hold a conversation. Their bathrooms are disgusting. Their beds are lumpy. The weather is repulsive. I hate it here. I’m homesick. I want to go home.
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