2853. Murderous happenstance
© Bruce Goodman 23 September 2023


I have always found it a huge bother; where to get rid of the body? Do I chuck it in the river? Do I bury it in the forest? Do I incinerate it? Do I put it out in bits in the garbage? There are so many options.

These days I leave it where it drops. It saves the police an awful lot of time and I’m pretty sure I’ve got my footsteps covered.

The same for the murder weapon. Why put the police through all the rigmarole trying to find it whereas if you leave it there they can get on with their real business of helping little old people cross the road. Besides, leaving the murder weapon at the scene of the crime cuts out the hassle of having to take it and hide it somewhere. Someone might see me and that could be curtains.

So now I’m perfectly happy to leave the body and murder weapon at the scene of what I like to call “a murderous happenstance”. In fact, I’ve taking to leaving a note on the corpse that reads: This is the result of a murderous happenstance! It’s my little joke. I like to make sure that they know it’s the same one doing the killings!

Sometimes I even get to help police in their enquiries. I’ll tell you what happened this very day. Earlier this morning I was helping take out a body to go to a funeral parlour and I asked the policeman if the murderer happened to leave a note on the corpse saying: This is the result of a murderous happenstance! (I knew that I had left a note!)

The policeman looked at me and said, “How come you know about that? No one knows about those notes.”

Silly man!

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