2654. An astonishingly resourceful idea
© Bruce Goodman 4 March 2023

Myra Cozens has come up with an astonishingly resourceful idea. It circumvents the necessity of rewriting books of note; for example, the removal of that shockingly sexist and terribly unhappy Heathcliff in “Wuthering Heights”. We all know that Heathcliff was ill-fated because he had to sublimate his transsexual proclivity. It’s perfectly obvious that the sometimes-narrator of the story, Mr. Lockwood, was obsessed with and in love with Heathcliff. When Catherine says “I am Heathcliff” we know exactly what she means. If the whole entanglement of the novel could be simplified and everything called what it is then the novel might be able to be taught in our schools.

Myra Cozens’ astonishingly resourceful idea does away with the contemporary necessity of having to remove Heathcliff from “Wuthering Heights” altogether. Not to mention that horrible drunken sot in “Jane Eyre”, Edward Rochester. In fact most of the characters in “Jane Eyre” need purging from its pages.

The list of books goes on and on. Is there a book that does not need to be revised?

The astonishingly resourceful idea is to publish these novels on black paper with black print. It does away with every novel that drips of xenophobia and obviates the dominance of whiteness on every page. What a boon this will be! What a saving! No more expensive editors paid to cull offense-oscity from the pages of the classics. Let us purge the need for purging pages! The future is black print on black paper! Such a simple idea! Thank you Myra Cozens!

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