2741. The birthday party
© Bruce Goodman 1 June 2023

For Emmeline’s seventh birthday her mother said she could invite up to twelve little girls from school to her birthday party. All twelve excitedly accepted the invitation and all of their mothers (and one father) wrote a thankyou note:

Alexandria: Our religion forbids the watching of any video or television, so I do hope entertainment for the party is not centred around such a sinful monstrosity.

Primrose: Our daughter is allergic to milk products so the serving of such things is out of the question.

Pandora: My daughter drinks only potable water. I know you live in the country and are dependent on rain water, but please provide purified water in a bottle if water use is intended.

Cosima: Our little girl – as is the whole family – are vegan. Please bear that in mind when planning the menu.

Lavender: She is not fond of spicy food. We don’t want you to think it’s rude of her if she refuses to touch spicy food.

Gertrude: It’s the smell of cooking chicken that makes Gertrude feel ill. If you intend to provide chicken pieces please do not cook them in the house when Gertrude is there.

Genevieve: She is allergic to peanuts. In fact anything that has been within smelling distance of a peanut we have taught her to avoid.

Calliope: Calliope doesn’t like blueberries. So if you mean to have fruit salad would it be too much to ask that you make a separate dish for her without blueberries?

Tatiana: She only likes walnut and cookies ice cream. Thought I’d better warn you.

Apollonia: We always have pizza every Friday evening. Apollonia does love her pizza! So I know this party is on a Friday. Just a suggestion…

Evangeline: Evangeline eats only healthy food. It’s something we encourage her to do. In fact we insist she eat only healthy food. If you see how skinny she is you’ll see why we are so worried about what she eats.

Priscilla: We like to think of ourselves as modern parents. So if you intend to play games involving dolls and stuffed animals – even pin the tail on the donkey – we hope such things are anatomically accurate. Have a nice party!

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