2798.The down-to-earth Princess
© Bruce Goodman 28 July 2023


Jeannie had the worst job in the world. Her hands were black from work. She had been employed by the Royal College of Etiquette to clean the silver at Buckingham Palace and to do nothing else.

It took Jeannie months to prepare the silver if there was to be a State Dinner. Not a fleck of oxidation or a mark or any kind would be tolerated. And it wasn’t just the cutlery that was made of silver. Vases and candelabra and salt and pepper shakers and mustard holders and…

There was so much silver to polish that it was no use waiting for a State Dinner to be announced. It was an eternal circle. Finish the last pair of silver sugar tongs and it was time to start at the beginning with the butter knives.

There was no way in the wide world that Jeannie could have hands that weren’t permanently blackened by the “Silvo”. Her wedding was coming up. Naturally she didn’t want filthy hands for her wedding. She was lucky enough to bump into the Princess of Wales walking down a corridor. She seemed very nice and down-to-earth. Even though she was not meant to speak unless addressed first, Jeannie couldn’t help herself. She explained her predicament with cleaning the palace silver and having permanently stained hands on her wedding day.

The Princes of Wales said she would try to do something about it in time for the wedding. And she did! Jeannie was taken off the silver and given the task of starching all fabric used in a State Dinner. The tablecloths, the napkins, the table runners… You try washing and ironing and starching thousands of yards of Irish linen. Still, Jeannie’s hands were lovely and clean, but it was the second to worst job in the world.

And here comes the Princess of Wales along the corridor now. What a lovely down-to-earth lady! Jeannie must thank her. The Princess was most grateful. She put out her hand to shake Jeannie’s.

“Congratulations on your wedding,” said the Princess. “Now that it’s over I wonder if you’d mind going back to cleaning the silver?” Jeannie noticed the Princess’s hands. They were black and grubby.

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